People

People are funny.  You never know how they are going to behave.  I mean, you think you know, but they surprise you sometimes.  When I found out I had cancer, I didn't tell many people at first.  I was worried that it would change the way people see me – the way they treat me.  And it has.

Many people surprised me when I went public.  I received emails, texts, FB messages and phone calls. I was offered TONS of unsolicited advice (and we all know how much I LOVE that!)  I became the latest hot topic for the gossip gals.  I became a pariah.  I became a hero.  I lost touch with some people.  I rekindled friendships with other.  So many different people with so many different reactions.

A person from my past with whom I have not spoken in many years sent me a beautiful encouraging message that left me speechless - while an everyday buddy literally avoided talking to me because cancer was too depressing. 

My ever-thoughtful ex sent flowers and genuine care and concern (those who know me will know right away who Mr. Ever-thoughtful is!) while a new man in my life dropped me instantly without an explanation.

An estranged childhood friend reached out and we are rekindling our relationship, while a few former gal-pals gossiped away without contacting me.  (If you want to know, just ask – seriously)

I received an unexpected visit from a precious friend and I got broken plans and empty promises from others. 

People I don’t even know offered love and prayer and support (and even cash!) yet some of the people I held dear faded away. 

Some people cried.  Some people prayed. Some people ran.     

                           

One thing about getting cancer – you learn a lot about people. 

At first, I passionately resented those who shunned me.  I had so much anger.  It hurt me.  A lot.  How could they be so cold?  How can MY cancer cause THEM discomfort? How stupid!  I was the one with cancer!  It was ME who was going through this period of uncertainty and fear and (let’s face it) ugliness!  Who could have problems worse than cancer?  Who could turn away from me when I needed love now more than ever?  How could they be so damn insensitive? What do you mean it isn't all about me……..??

Hmm… I’m not going to lie - I am still not 100% over that anger.  But I am working at being more compassionate.  I am trying to put myself in other people’s shoes (which is WAY easier said than done by the way… especially since my shoes are so super cute!)  Everyone handles life the best way they know how with the information they have. And everybody has their own pain.

I think the majority of people are uncomfortable – they don’t know what to say.  I mean, how can anyone know unless they have been there?  I certainly didn't.

Maybe they have their own traumas going on in their lives – I have said before that everybody has a story.  It is beyond selfish for me to think that my disease should be any more important to someone else than whatever they may be going through.  Not everyone is as open as I am.   I don’t know their story.

It’s very likely that they have lost their own people and it frightens them. I know my own dearest K and L have cancer scars in their families and they have told me that they are scared sometimes.   They need me as much as I need them. (I love you more than words K & L!)

I am sure that my flippant attitude and inappropriate humor doesn't help the situation.   But to be completely honest, I don’t particularly care.  I decided early on that I was not going to be a “sick person”.  I was not going to let cancer rule my life or bring me down.  (Again – easier said than done.)  And I am not going to walk on eggshells because someone else thinks my attitude is too bold or that my jokes are offside.  I am sorry that those people can’t handle me – but I am who I am and I’m doing what I need to do to get through it.  I refuse to play poor-me (for the most part anyway.)  I refuse to sit around feeling sorry for myself.  I am open about my strengths and my weaknesses – or as I like to call them, Opportunities for growth (though I have to admit – opportunity knocks quite often in my life – unfortunately these days I’m usually taking a nap.)

The truth is that my problems are not isolated.  I am not the center of the universe and it is foolish of me to get upset about other people’s reactions. Yes, the actions of the people I love can hurt me. And let’s be honest, the actions of the people I don’t love can also hurt me.  But I need to be more understanding of the rest of humanity.  It isn't all about me.  It never was, and it never will be.

The gossip girls? Well, they weren't really gossiping.  They were talking with each other about me with care and concern.  They wanted to know what was happening but didn't know how to ask.

That pal that avoided me? He has lost quite a few people to cancer and I was being so nonchalant (Superman complex again).  He wasn't sure how to deal with it happening to a close friend.  He showed up after my first chemo treatment.  He brought me to doctors’ appointments and bought me a milkshake.  And he is there now when I am in need. He helped in the only ways that he knew how.

Those empty promises and broken plans?  People have their own things going on.  And they don’t know what I am dealing with.  They can’t possibly know and they can’t be held responsible for that lack of knowledge.  God knows I had no idea until I had to face it myself.  My situation does not make anyone else’s problems less real.  We all have our own crosses to bear.

That new guy in my life that dropped me?  Actually, yeah… turns out he’s just a dick.  Thank you cancer for helping me dodge THAT bullet!

Yes, many people’s attitudes towards me have changed.  But that’s ok because my own attitudes and perspectives are changing.  Things that mattered, don’t. And things that didn't, do.  My challenge is accepting that people are people – we are all only human. Few people are able to fully understand the pain I am dealing with and I need to learn to understand that people don’t understand.

People are people. We are what we are. We are stronger than we think, smarter than we give ourselves credit for and ridiculously emotional, despite our pretenses or intentions. We are capable of affecting each other and we sometimes are blind.  We are who we are.  And I love us.